About Christian:
I’m the founder of CT Accountability, a strike-based accountability program for men. Participants make a weekly commitment to the group atop other programming. If you miss on your commitment or miss a session, you get a strike. Earn two strikes and you’re removed from the group. I’m putting the community, purpose and pressure back into men’s lives that they lose after graduating. My mission is to help modern men be the best version of themselves.
Since my earliest memories, anxiety has been present in my life, coupled with feelings of low self-worth, disposition for people pleasing behavior, intense desire for external validation, and general inability to self-soothe. For my entire life, I had blamed my father for these outcomes
and held deep resentment against him.
In my younger years, I struggled with maintaining close friends. My “group” changed a lot and in my early teens during a particularly difficult and depressive time following the divorce of my parents, when I needed friends to lean on more than ever, I was ousted from a meaningful social circle. The resulting emotional scars from that experience ensured I never felt comfortable or safe to talk about my feelings in fear that others may run away or see me as a burden. The associated risk and difficulty of talking about my feelings and experience in tandem with therapy being stigmatized for and by men was the ultimate recipe for me not seeking help.
Despite my anxiety being constant (daily, nausea-inducing levels) I had spent my younger years just toughing it out. Spoiler alert, toughing it out isn’t serving you, as I would later learn.
WHAT WAS THE MAJOR TURNING POINT IN YOUR MENTAL HEALTH RECOVERY?
In my early twenties, I experienced my first panic attack which was the tipping point for me to finally put my ego, pride, assumptions and stubbornness aside to give therapy a try. Starting therapy was the best decision I’ve ever made. Three therapists and several years later, I navigate life thousands of pounds lighter emotionally, and celebrate observable improvements in so many facets of my life that used to plague me. The most notable change is my ability to be in a healthy and stable relationship with my girlfriend, something I was never able to do in my preceding years.
Through my therapeutic experiences and effort, I worked up the courage to speak with my father about my lifelong resentment of him. For me, that was the ultimate test of personal growth and was an infinite weight off my shoulders. The conversation with my Dad let current me heal, let younger me heal, and brought him and I closer together, paving the way for a brighter future together.
WHAT ARE SOME THINGS THAT REALLY HELPED?
Therapy
- Working with licensed clinicians gave me skills and perspective that empowered me to take control over my relationship with myself and relationships with others. With every new therapist I saw, I had a stronger, more sophisticated foundation to work from.
Finding Great Friends
- Finding a great support network can be difficult, but is hugely important. Excellent friends have been my bridge over troubled water through countless dark times. Find people that love you for being yourself and hold you accountable to the best version of that.
- If you are having trouble meeting, making, or maintaining friendships, that does not mean you aren’t able to make friends or that you are not worthy of having friends.
Practicing Assertiveness and Saying My Piece
- I was conditioned at a young age to be a people pleaser. Reading the book “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Robert A. Glover changed my worldview on that behavior. Speak your mind. Share your story. Be authentic. That gives velcro for others to latch onto and relate to. If you gloss things over, finding meaningful relationships where you feel safe and supported may prove difficult, because people don’t know the actual you.
- If you exhibit people pleasing behavior and wish to become more assertive, start by practicing in low stakes situations. Next time someone asks if you’d prefer one of two options, pick one instead of saying either one works.
WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO OTHER GUYS FIGHTING MENTAL HEALTH CHALLENGES?
Use your past. You’ve been through many difficult moments and chapters in your life, and you came out the other side to tell the story. Ground yourself in the fact that you’ve been resilient during tougher times. You’ve got this!
Challenge: Talk about your experiences with other men. If you take the initiative to open up and tell your story, other men can meet you where you are. The repetitions of you sharing your story will make you more comfortable being vulnerable and create opportunities for more meaningful connection.
Christian Thanasoulis
Founder, CT Accountability
New York City, USA
