On one of my recent trips to the post office, I found
a package from my friend Cindy. She had sent a copy of the book Healing after Loss, a collection of daily meditations to help a person
work through grief.
On my way home, I stopped by the cemetery, opened
the book, and read the first few meditations. Each one begins with an
inspirational quote, provides understanding of grief, and encouragement to let healing begin. At the bottom of each page, the author has added her
own words of wisdom.
Each morning while I enjoy my first cup of coffee, I open the
book and read that day’s meditation. Then, I take a moment and watch my
sleeping dog. When I call her, she jumps up beside me and lets me savor her
warmth and devotion.
In the book, I came across the term, “hour of
lead,” and wondered exactly what it meant. I’m not sure why I had never heard
the phrase, or more likely, didn’t have Google to explain what it meant. Emily
Dickinson painted a word picture when she spoke of the hour of lead. I may not
have heard the term, but I’ve felt the emotion. This phrase from the poem
“After Great Pain, a Formal Feeling Comes” refers to the emotional numbness and
paralysis after a tragic event.
Loss can bring inertia to the grieving. The body
may want to move forward, but the heart and mind need ample time to cope with
their brokenness. Imagine a person with leaden feet trying to run in waist-deep
water while carrying the weight of grief on his or her shoulders.
Triggers for grief can assault our emotions at the
most inconvenient times. At a show in Branson, I dissolved into sobs when the
performers sang, “Angels among Us.” That night was the first time I’d heard the song
since a dear friend’s funeral.
Jim sang and played his guitar, and several songs
remind me of him, especially the songs he sang specifically for me. When I hear
Elvis Presley’s “Tender Feelings” I can close my eyes and feel Jim’s presence a
heartbeat away.
Another Elvis song Jim sang was “Young and
Beautiful.” The song ends with the line “…you’ll
be forever young and beautiful to me.” I once asked Jim if he could imagine me
with gray hair. Without hesitation, he said, “No. You would dye your hair.”
Jim died from an Alzheimer’s type of dementia at
59, so he’s the one who will be forever young to me, and he left me with
beautiful memories. He always said he knew me better than I knew myself, and although I don’t dye my hair now, who knows, I may dye it someday. After all,
he really did know me better than I knew myself.
One thing I’ve discovered about a healing heart is
that in time, special songs that
remind you of someone you lost can fill your heart with gratitude for their
love. You may even smile at the happy memories and push aside the sadness. Our
memories and love keep the ones we’ve lost alive.
Healing is not the same as forgetting, and the
claws of grief can rake your emotions raw without warning—anytime, anywhere.
Love lost for any reason leaves a scar on your soul. The scars of grief fade in
time, but they are with you for life.
Copyright ©February 2025 by
L. S. Fisher
http://earlyonset.blogspot.com
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