With bipolar disorder and chronic illness, I’ve learned that choosing priorities is part of protecting my health.
We are under pressure to consistently deliver maximum effort to every single thing we do, all the time. “Always give 100 percent,” or “Give it all you’ve got,” tout the noble memes.
I thank my mother for teaching me that’s all bunk. My mom constantly shared sage advice while I was growing up, but one of her greatest gifts was teaching me that it’s okay to not give 100 percent all the time to every part of my life. “If everything is equally important, then nothing is important,” were her wise words.
This life-changing lesson has been essential in helping me make the right choices to deal with my bipolar and myriad chronic health conditions (which include an autoimmune neuromuscular disease, endometriosis, asthma, and migraine). Putting pressure on myself to give my all to everything only amplifies my pain, fatigue, and depression.
Here’s how I apply my mother’s wisdom:
I Put Perfectionism in Its Place
I was a perfectionist in college. Now that I’m in graduate school, there are many days when I write in my planner: “Just try your best.” These days, I celebrate my effort, not just the end result.
Sometimes I choose to give 100 percent of my energy and focus on my academics. When I do that, I consciously accept that other areas of life will fall short of ideal. The house is not as clean as I would like, especially during midterms or final exams.
Do I wish my house were spotless and organized, Marie Kondo–style? Sure, but that’s not
realistic, given my academic workload.
I Make Time for Endorphins
Because stress triggers my bipolar depression, and exercise helps prevent stress, I make time to release those feel-good hormones when I can. When I don’t feel like even getting dressed, I do a few minutes of movement in my pajamas. Generally, after 10 minutes, I am motivated to get dressed for the day.
On days when I’m not physically able to exercise due to pain and fatigue, I give myself grace. These down times also shift my perspective and allow me to see the days I am mobile as a privilege.
I Prioritize My Passions
I’m constantly asking myself, “What is important to me?” The answer is always changing. Deciding what comes first for the time being is critical, and then being okay with setting aside other interests that get ranked below.
One passion always high on the list is watercolor painting (the northern lights and the Milky Way are my favorite subjects). When I paint, I focus on having fun and laughing at my mistakes.
I Shake the Need to Please
There was a time when I felt compelled to respond to every single email. I hated keeping people waiting. But clearing my inbox each day meant that I couldn’t paint or watch my soap operas at the end of the day—things I have prioritized because they help me fight depressive episodes and stress-related symptoms of bipolar.
I wouldn’t trade my daily dose of Days of Our Lives and the reprieve from reality that it brings for an empty inbox.
I Realize the World Won’t Fall Apart
Some events in life simply demand our full attention. In these moments, what truly matters and what’s trivial becomes apparent. And do you know what? When we don’t get to everything on our to-do list—or any task, if we’re in a crisis—the world keeps turning without us.
Life really is about making decisions and accepting trade-offs. After all, isn’t time our most precious resource? There are only 24 hours in a day, and not everything can be equally important. This I know to be 100 percent true.