Setting goals helps me find balance, make progress, and practice self-compassion through the ups and downs of bipolar disorder.
Have you ever had the experience of simply hearing a word and then suddenly having negative thoughts fill up your brain?
Well, I have. And, for me, that word is “resolutions.”
At the beginning of every year, it seems as if everyone in the whole world is focusing on one thing they want to change in their lives.
They do research and buy all the equipment, clothes, drinks, and pills to help them achieve their resolution for the year. They give it all they have … for about three weeks. And then they quit.
There are many reasons why people give up their New Year’s resolutions. Often, it’s trying to make too big of a change all at once, a lack of planning, a lack of support, or not choosing something that they can stay motivated about in the long run. Sadly, they then often feel like they’ve failed — or, worse, that they are failures.
Have you ever heard a single word and suddenly felt a wave of negative thoughts flood your mind?
For me, that word is “resolutions.”
At the start of every year, it feels like everyone around me is focused on one major thing they want to change in their lives. They do all the research and buy the gear — clothes, drinks, supplements — to help them achieve this one big resolution. And they give it their all … for about three weeks. Then, they quit.
There are so many reasons people abandon their New Year’s resolutions: trying to change too much at once, not having a plan, lacking support, or choosing something they can’t stay motivated about. Sadly, they often end up feeling like they’ve failed — or worse, that they’re failures.
This is why, instead of resolutions, I set goals for myself.
Words Matter and Can Affect Your Thinking
The word “goal” sounds fun. Well, it does to me, anyway!
Even though some people might think “resolution” and “goal” mean the same thing, they actually have very different tones and connotations. Resolutions feel like all-or-nothing commitments. You “resolve” to do (or not do) something. It’s a pass-or-fail situation.
Goals, on the other hand, feel more like playing a game and aiming for something — and that’s something I can get excited about.
Setting Goals Is Exciting and Meaningful
Goals are things we want to achieve. Each year, I take time to think about what I want to do, learn, explore, and experience. Some of my goals are things that may not happen for years, but they’re still on my list. (And I do love a good list!)
It’s also genuinely exciting to sit down and dream up what you want. There are no limits! With a resolution, it’s often about just one thing, with only one way to succeed. But with goals, you can dream as big as you want and dig deep into what your heart truly desires.
Not all goals have to be life-changing. Sure, there are common ones like losing weight, reading more books, learning a new language, or getting a raise. But some might be those big, bucket-list dreams. It takes some self-reflection to recognize what you really want out of life — and getting in touch with that part of yourself can be incredibly fulfilling.
Goals to Manage Bipolar Symptoms
Some goals are about who we are as people and how we navigate life with bipolar. Maybe it’s time to commit to finding a new doctor if your current one isn’t meeting your needs or to reflect on lifestyle choices that may affect your stability. Setting goals to identify triggers or improve mood stability can empower steps toward feeling more comfortable daily.
Using Goals to Self-Reflect and Measure Progress
I’ve been making lists of my goals for years, and I genuinely enjoy it. Some years, I meet my goals in stride; other years, not as much. But without the pressure of resolutions, reflecting on the year feels positive. It’s a way to recognize progress without feeling like I’m grading myself.
1. Look Back at Last Year’s List
When I make my list of goals, I always start by reviewing last year’s list. If there are any goals I didn’t meet, I add them to my new list — but only if they’re still relevant. Each year, life changes, and so do our priorities. What we wanted just 12 months ago might not be what we want now.
And goals don’t have to be just “normal” ones like fitness or finance; they can be about building relationships, finding joy, or discovering more about who you are.
2. Choose a Format That Works for You
I use the Notes feature on my phone to create my goals list as a checklist. This way, I can always find it and easily keep track from year to year. Plus, the checklist format keeps it organized and lets me mark goals as completed, which is a great feeling. Seeing what I’ve accomplished really boosts my motivation!
3. Consider Overarching Goals and Measurable Goals
I write down everything I want to accomplish. Here are some goals from past years, some of which I’m still working toward:
The list could go on and on. Some goals can’t be measured (like “sit up straight”), while others are number-specific (like “read six books”). I’ve often heard that setting number-specific goals helps because it gives you a clear way to measure progress.
For example, look at two of my measurable goals: “lose 15 pounds” and “read six books.” I did lose the weight (gained it back, then lost it again) … but as for that book goal? It’s rolling over to this year because I only read two and a half books last year!
Looking at these goals, I don’t feel pressured. I just see progress.
4. Give Yourself a Lot of Grace
I set goals, not resolutions because goals feel better suited to me. If I don’t accomplish something within the year, that’s okay.
I give myself a lot of grace. I forgive myself and avoid beating myself up if things don’t go as planned.
The Positivity of Setting Goals
By setting goals, I meet myself with positivity, which leaves me in a good mental space. With goals, I’m not depriving myself of or forcing rigid rules — I’m simply looking to increase the positive aspects of my life. Even with a weight-loss goal, I’m ultimately aiming to boost my health.
Each goal is about growth. I’m working to find my middle ground, balancing my life and my mental health. If I’m in a manic phase and I manage to accomplish two goals, then great! And if I’m depressed and a few things go unfinished, that’s okay, too.
Life is unpredictable, and even though I love making plans, things change. As the saying goes, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”
To me, resolutions seem too rigid, too “all-or-nothing.” I prefer goals that allow room for change. This year, I hope to accomplish everything on my list — including adding “go with the flow” to the goals.
Setting goals helps me find joy in life, see the good, and live fully. There will be ups and downs, but I can keep moving forward with self-compassion.
Here’s to achieving my goals — and you, yours! Happy New Year!
UPDATED: Originally posted January 14, 2021