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Bipolar disorder makes us feel things in extremes — and often causes us to be labeled as ‘too intense’ or ‘too sensitive.’
At 18 years old I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder and a few months later, with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It was shattering. I had just come to terms with my mental health conditions after being diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety several years prior. That in itself took five years.
It felt as if the moment I had become okay with depression and anxiety, it was taken away from me. I believed bipolar was for “crazy” people who live in asylums and that PTSD was only for soldiers, not someone who had been a victim of sexual assault.
Do People With Bipolar Feel Emotions More Strongly?
It took me a long time to accept my new diagnoses, but one of the most valuable things I was ever told was that I feel and process things on a different spectrum than others.
So instead of being “too intense,” “too sensitive,” or “too aggressive,” it’s that the way people with bipolar experience and express emotions isn’t like how others do.
Bipolar is an illness that affects our emotions. It’s marked by extreme changes in mood, thought, energy, and behavior.
‘Too Much’ and ‘Too Sensitive’
I feel things in extremes; I’m never ambivalent about anything. I remember being pulled aside by teachers as a child and teenager — not just because I spoke too much, but because I spoke my mind too much and “let my emotions get the better of me.”
People explained away my sensitivity in all kinds of ways: It was normal behavior for my star sign, or the fact that I’m an only child, or that I’m just too fragile and needed to stop taking things to heart.
I wish being this way were as simple as people made it out to be. I’m the only person in my family with a mental health condition, and while those around me try to be supportive, it’s something they will never truly understand. It’s extremely isolating — and not something I can outgrow.
This is What Bipolar Disorder Can Look Like
Living with bipolar is indescribable and often hard to cope with. Most of the time, I don’t even know why things set me off. And trying to explain situations to others just makes me feel worse. Try explaining to someone that:
- You had a panic attack walking from the train station to university because it felt like every single person was watching your every move.
- You became engulfed with rage at the driver in front of you, simply because of the make of their car.
- You woke up crying uncontrollably, and it took someone holding you for an hour just to feel somewhat in control again.
Bipolar means you are different from the person standing next to you because of the way you feel and process emotions. I tell myself this so many times a day, and it still helps me cope with the isolation and confusion I experience.
You’re Not Alone — and Neither Am I
My other go-to is Stephen Fry’s The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive. It reassures me that while I might feel isolated, I’m not the only one who is going through this.
Hearing others talk openly about their struggles, especially Stephen Fry and Carrie Fisher, the two people I admire above everyone, assures me that I’m not a “freak” because I can’t be in a room with more than 40 people without spiraling into an episode.
I love this documentary so much that I think every person who has a loved one with bipolar disorder needs to watch it. I could go on about how important this film is, and while this piece has been more of a reflection of how I experience having bipolar, I hope it does what reading and hearing other people’s writing on bipolar does: reassure you that you are not alone.
Treatment Key in Reducing Symptoms
I’ll leave you with the words that Stephen Fry closes with. They really comfort me, and hopefully they will do the same for others: “I know I have a chronic illness that will be with me for the rest of my life, but it is sort of like asthma in that while it’s always going to be there, the key for most people is in finding ways of reducing the attacks and making them less severe — and that’s where treatment comes in.” ~ Stephen Fry
UPDATED: Originally posted June 22, 2017