Rebuilding after bipolar symptoms test a marriage can seem overwhelming, yet small steps toward amends can make lasting change.
Extensive research has established the importance of social connections to mental and emotional well-being. Yet no matter how strong our relationships or support networks, bipolar symptoms — anger and irritability, promiscuity, impulsivity, and grandiose thinking, among others — can create a “perfect storm” for those living with bipolar disorder.
A few years ago, the medication I’d relied on for more than three decades went on backorder. My psychiatrist had no choice but to switch me temporarily to a replacement. This change led to a “roughening,” as my doctor referred to the difficult adjustment period, and caused a rift with my wife, putting a strain on my marriage.
Bipolar, Medication, and Marriage: My Path to Relationship Repair
With the new medication providing less control over my moods, I began to experience hypomania. I felt overly ambitious and excessively confident, fueling my desire to start my own mental health consulting/training business, an idea I’d been mulling over for years.
When I announced this to my wife, Suzy, she was shocked and upset. For the first time in our 25-year marriage, she pushed back strongly on my decision to change my career path. She also made it clear that she had to consider her own well-being, since our financial situation would be affected. The stress associated with this would adversely affect, not only her mental, but her physical health as well.
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Even in the midst of hypomania, I could hear and acknowledge the impact of my actions on her. For our marriage to flourish, I needed to respect and consider her feelings.
Another thing that happened during this encounter was her keen awareness of my hypomania. “You seem hypomanic. I think you need to call the doctor,” she advised. It felt like I had been served with a wake-up call, and I knew she was right. Suzy knows me so well that she can see things in me that I can’t even see in myself.
How to Make Amends and Heal Your Relationship
No matter what type of relationship you’re in, there are several ways to go about repairing a breach. Although the decision to forgive and make up is ultimately in the other person’s hands, taking these steps can at least give you some peace of mind:
1. Acknowledge Your Part in the Situation
Sometimes it’s evident that we are to blame for what has happened. Let’s be honest, some bipolar symptoms can be very destructive, both to ourselves and others. The first step in repairing a relationship is to admit our mistakes and take responsibility for our actions. It takes a degree of humility to acknowledge that we were wrong.
2. Make Amends for Your Actions
My 12-step program speaks of the importance of making amends. This might seem obvious, but the intent behind making amends is to make peace not only with the person we’ve harmed but also with ourselves.
3. Change Your Ways
The other part of making amends is to ensure that you do not engage in hurtful behavior again. If you continue to repeat an action(s) again and again, no matter how many times you say, “I’m sorry,” the damage may become irreparable.
But it is possible to mend fences with your partner. One approach to address the issue is by pursuing effective treatment, first and foremost. In addition, working with a behavioral health professional, such as a counselor or psychiatrist, can be a valuable way to learn strategies that minimize the impact of mood symptoms.
4. Look Inside Yourself
At the end of the day, it helps to be honest with yourself about when and how bipolar symptoms affect your life. Yes, it’s often hard to recognize the onset of hypomania. But there are tools you can use to monitor your mood (journaling and various apps, for example) that will help you gauge where you’re at. The insight you gain helps you address symptoms that injure your relationship.
UPDATED: Originally posted June 13, 2023