Constant activity acts as a shield against intrusive thoughts. Here’s how to slow down and support your bipolar management.
How many times have you introduced yourself to someone new, and the first thing they ask is, “What do you do?” Similarly, when was the last time an old friend asked, “What have you been doing with yourself lately?”
Society puts a lot of emphasis on doing. We’re raised to focus on productivity above all else.
Breaking the Pressure of Constant Productivity
As technology improves and the machines around us process information more quickly, life moves at a faster pace each day. We, as mere humans, are expected to keep up. But we’re not machines. We can’t run endlessly without rebooting; otherwise, we’ll burn out.
I’m guilty of pushing myself to be constantly “doing.” I subscribe to the all-too-common mindset that unless I’m being productive, I’m just taking up space on the planet.
I’ve worked since I was old enough to get an employment permit in my state (since I was 15). For nearly two decades, I’ve worked as a freelancer in the film industry. When I had breaks in between gigs, I filled my off days with creative projects and home-renovation undertakings.
I’ve never been very good at sitting still. It’s exhausting. Can you relate?
Finding Time to Be Still
Perhaps I focus all my energy on doing because, by constantly moving, I don’t have to sit still with myself.
I have bipolar disorder, and I’ve spent years struggling with anxiety, depression, and mania. The thoughts in my head can get so loud that they become overwhelming. It can be quite unsettling to listen to my inner dialogue.
So when I actually slow down enough to pay attention to my inner voice, I often don’t like what I hear. I’m super self-critical, and my negativity can get the better of me. It seems like my thoughts usually spiral into fears like “You’ll never be happy” or “You’re not good enough.”
Have you ever tried meditating? For me, it’s more challenging than holding a plank position for two minutes. Even though it’s anxiety-inducing, I’d rather be stressed out, scrambling to finish some last-minute task, than calmly reflecting on myself.
RELATED: The Magic of Mindfulness in Managing Bipolar Disorder Symptoms
The distraction of focusing on the external world is a useful (yet unhealthy) way to avert my attention away from my own growth and healing, because that kind of mental work is harder than anything else.
The Distraction of Social Media
Do you ever find yourself sitting in a waiting room, on a train, or even in traffic, pulling out your phone to check Instagram or your email? Our smart devices are brilliant at grabbing us and sucking us in.
When someone likes our Facebook post, or we get a text from a friend, our brain’s reward centers light up, and we feel a dopamine rush.
This is, of course, no accident. Tech companies spend billions of dollars to develop products and services that keep us hooked on them like they’re highly addictive drugs. We’re all tech junkies.
One time, I went to dinner at a nice restaurant with my partner, and he got up to use the restroom. Since we’d arrived, we’d really just been focusing on each other and the menu. I looked around. I found myself facing a vase of pretty, fragrant flowers in a room with warm mood lighting, fantastic smells, and a waterfall with an indoor pond full of koi fish. It was like I’d been transported to another beautiful country.
And what did I do? I pulled out my cell phone because I had some downtime, and I’m programmed to fill it with activity (usually checking my phone).
Overcoming Obsession to Savor the Now
I learned this behavior. Cell phones haven’t always been around, but now I can’t imagine life without one.
I was startled when the server appeared — seemingly out of nowhere — and asked me if I wanted another glass of wine. I’d forgotten where I was because I’d fallen down the rabbit hole of social media.
Then it hit me: Why do I always have to be doing something? What was wrong with doing nothing for a few moments? (Or longer?)
My obsession with constant activity had pulled me out of a perfectly wonderful moment of peace and tranquility at the restaurant. Had I even really been taking in the whole experience with my boyfriend at our romantic dinner? I honestly wasn’t sure.
The Difference Between ‘Doing’ and ‘Being’
After that evening, I found myself questioning whether I focused too much on “doing” instead of just “being.” Had I just endlessly diverted my attention away from myself to avoid sitting quietly and reflecting on my surroundings? And myself?
I began researching mindfulness, which I knew a bit about but was terrible at putting into practice. I read self-help articles about positive affirmations and downloaded some free mindfulness-based guided meditations, putting them into action religiously.
And guess what? I learned how to engage in positive self-talk to combat my negative inner critic. I scheduled times to meditate — and even bought some calming Zen meditation music.
But wait a minute, that was more “doing.” Could I just find ways to “be” without turning everything into a project?
Practicing the Art of Awareness
Then I thought back to the restaurant:
- What if I’d just left my phone in my purse, taken a deep breath, and looked around?
- What if I’d inhaled the delicious smell of food and listened to the sound of the waterfall?
- If negative thoughts had crept in, what if I’d just sat with them, accepted them without judgment, and reminded myself that I was okay, until they dissipated?
- And what if, when my boyfriend returned, I’d felt refreshed and renewed instead of distracted by whatever I’d been reading on Facebook (which involved me comparing myself to others and feeling inadequate)?
Had I done all or some of the above, I may have been more present when he rejoined me for what was supposed to be an evening of reconnection.
RELATED: The Secrets for Staying Present to Ease Bipolar’s Anxiety
Maybe I didn’t need to become some expert on Buddhism who meditated two hours a week like clockwork. Maybe I could find little ways in my everyday life to slow down and practice mindfulness by just being present wherever I happen to be.
Mastering the Art of ‘Doing Nothing’
Just “being” doesn’t come naturally to me — there’s a real art to “doing nothing.” I feel guilty when I’m not busy or productive.
But by sitting quietly and mindfully — taking in my surroundings while waiting in a doctor’s office or an Uber instead of pulling out my phone — I feel calmer and more centered.
By taking a few hours off once in a while to read or sit by a lake instead of filling my downtime with laundry, art projects, and home repairs, I feel more whole. I may have a few less items crossed off my to-do list, but I can return to my routine rejuvenated and recharged.
Incorporating ‘Do Nothing’ Time Into Your Routine
Have you ever noticed that you remember more from your vacations than you do from your everyday grind? I think that’s because when we’re on holiday, away from our usual routines, we’re forced to be mindful.
Because everything is unfamiliar, we can’t help but stop and take notice of our surroundings — everything is new. When I stop and take in my environment, I remember experiences more clearly because I was there in the moment at the time.
When I’m faced with a challenge, like a difficult boss or a friend who’s going through a breakup, I immediately jump into action mode. Without hesitating, I start doing: I give advice. I look for other employment. I try to fix problems.
But sometimes it’s better to just “do nothing.” Maybe my friend just needs me to listen? Maybe, if I’m patient, my boss will get promoted elsewhere.
We could all use more calm in our lives. So the next time you find yourself with some free time, even if it’s only for a few minutes, try practicing the art of doing nothing. You may experience a real feeling of peace. (At least, I hope so.)
UPDATED: Originally posted September 19, 2022