When bipolar disorder fuels rumination, anger feels endless. Here is how practicing mindfulness helped me regain control.
Have you ever found yourself so consumed by your anger that it was virtually all you could think about? Did all your thoughts focus on your anger, rage, upset, and hurt feelings, so you couldn’t focus on anything else?
I often felt this way … until I started really noticing the people close to me and their happiness. I was unhappy due to constant rumination on anger that was robbing me of the opportunity to focus on and strategize my own happiness as well.
I quickly realized how much my anger and negative thinking were holding me back from happiness and a fulfilling life. Instead of being trapped in unproductive, angry thoughts, I realized I could focus on thoughts that served me — ones that didn’t upset me or distract me from what truly mattered. Shifting my mindset could open the door to creating happiness in my life.
I learned during that time that my thoughts often defaulted to anger because it was the easiest, most immediate emotion to surface. While walking — something I did a lot back then — my mind would naturally drift to this default, replaying anger over the circumstances in my life.
Practicing Mindfulness to Combat Anger
To address my anger, I had to address my thinking. It was like prying my thoughts off the topic of frustration and rage. I started changing the topic, almost like changing the channel on TV.
When on a walk, I would choose a new topic to think about instead of letting my mind pick up where it left off with my angry thoughts. This started to make a difference, making it easier to control my thinking by steering my mind in the direction I wanted it to go — what I call “productive thinking.”
This new way of thinking benefited me, didn’t upset me, and helped me achieve my goals. This thinking became about strategizing my happiness and not unconsciously staying in my unhappiness and anger: a total waste of time and mental energy.
I started challenging all my angry thinking. If I was ruminating in anger, my goal was to stop and redirect my thinking, like changing the channel. This took time, commitment, and determination, but eventually, my mind got the message, and I made it out of the angry thoughts I was stuck in. On my walks, I got my mind to default to my goals rather than my anger. Boy, did I feel better about this, too!
Shifting From Rumination to Productive Thinking
Redirecting my mind to productive thinking was very helpful in getting me out of the rut I was stuck in, obsessing over angry thoughts. It also motivated me to take on my anger once and for all.
My anger had gotten me into a lot of trouble over the years: it got me into fights, embarrassed me, sabotaged relationships, created insecurity, and caused me tremendous pain. It became reactionary and out of my control.
I knew it had to go when I realized it was in the way of my happiness. I was so fed up with my intense anger, with myself, and with my own reactions. I was tired of the whole process of being set off like a top, spinning out of control, and causing destruction and damage.
I finally decided I needed to find another way to handle myself so I wouldn’t keep reacting angrily and creating upset for myself and others. This may be the point I needed to reach because when I finally decided to take on my rage, I resolved my anger problems once and for all.
I learned ways to implement new skills, including:
- assertiveness
- effective communication skills
- boundaries
- respecting others’ opinions
- patience and empathy
I also realized the importance of not taking things personally, diffusing intense situations, learning conflict resolution skills, avoiding fighting, creating peace, and working toward positive outcomes.
Experiencing Inner Peace and Self-Awareness
When I learned these new ways of being, I could stop the old ways that never served me, and — for the first time ever — I experienced inner peace.
Anger was not an easy coping skill to get rid of; it was actually very hard. It took tremendous discipline to sit with my anger and not act on it — it required acute self-awareness.
I made a promise to myself that no matter how hard the process got, I would stay committed to the desired result of being free of my anger problems (which meant no longer using it as a coping skill).
I spent time researching new, effective coping skills, and it took months to make this positive change in my behavior. Often, our internal signs of anger trigger physical reactions, so addressing this also requires getting in touch with the visceral effects of anger and learning to keep the body calm, especially during conflict.
Handling Anger Effectively
The goal is not to never be angry; it’s to have effective ways of handling anger when it comes up and not to make it my “go-to” coping mechanism. The goal is not to have anger problems running and ruining my life. And with my anger in control, my happiness has increased — and so has my confidence.
RELATED: The Difference Between Anger and ‘Bipolar Anger’
This is one of the many ineffective coping skills I had to learn to handle, and by addressing it, I found freedom and happiness. When we make self-improvements, we make life improvements.
I have learned to ask myself: What am I improving on? What doesn’t serve me? Because when we find new methods for habits that don’t serve us, our happiness increases.
UPDATED: Originally posted November 13, 2018