When you’re swept up by euphoria and intense emotions, how do you know if it’s true love or a bipolar mood episode? Learn how to tell the difference.
When it comes to understanding whether you’re feeling true love or experiencing the intense emotions that can accompany mania, it can sometimes be hard to distinguish between the two. This can be especially challenging if you’re not fully aware that you might be in the midst of a manic episode.
A group of psychiatrists, however, examined the love vs. mania conundrum. Members of the Human Sexuality Committee of the Group for the Advancement of Psychiatry came up with some answers to help guide those with bipolar disorder.
Elizabeth Haase, MD, medical director of Outpatient Behavioral Health Services at Carson Tahoe Regional Medical Center and an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Nevada School of Medicine at Reno, is a former member of the sexuality committee. Dr. Haase says that when you’re in a hypomanic or manic state, you’re also more likely to feel you’re in love. You may then act on that feeling when making major long-term life decisions, not realizing your state had something to do with your feelings.
David Goldenberg, MD, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College, says a way to combat this is to slow down when you’re caught up in the amplified emotions of new love instead of impulsively moving ahead too fast.
For the sexuality committee, both doctors prepared a working paper titled “In the Mood for Love.” In the paper, they discuss the emotional state of limerence, the early stages of romantic love signified by euphoria and an intense longing for someone, and compare it to the exhilaration of mania.
Based on their findings, here are 10 questions to ask yourself to help determine if what you’re experiencing is real love — or bipolar mania.
1. What Does Love Mean to You?
Have you noticed differences in how you experience love when you’re feeling stable versus during a manic episode? For those with bipolar disorder, understanding these shifts can be challenging, especially as they may evolve with different stages of life. However, reflecting on your experiences might offer valuable insights and provide you with some personal guideposts to navigate relationships more confidently.
2. What Qualities Make a Loving Partner?
Who do you think would be the right partner for you? Consider this from three different perspectives: when you’re feeling depressed and vulnerable, during times when you’re manic and unstoppable, and when your mood is stable. Ideally, a loving partner will be someone who can understand and support you through all of these phases. Reflecting on this may help you identify the qualities that make for a truly compatible and compassionate mate.
3. How Do You Feel About Sex?
When it comes to intimacy, what is your typical level of comfort, and how does that shift during manic episodes? Conversations about sex can be difficult, especially within families, but it’s an important part of your overall well-being and should be included in your clinical care. It’s helpful to speak openly with your doctor and therapist about your sexual experiences and desires — past, present, and future — so they can better support you in understanding and navigating these changes.
RELATED: 5 Tips to Manage Manic Hypersexuality in Bipolar
4. What Defines Your Manic Episodes?
While your experiences may differ each time, there’s often a recognizable pattern in how mania affects your relationships. Do you find yourself diving into romantic pursuits, hosting social gatherings, or seeking out new sexual connections, either in person or online? Pay attention to other key signs, such as disruptions in your sleep schedule or impulsive spending. Understanding these behaviors can help you recognize and manage the symptoms of mania more effectively.
5. Have You Reflected on Your Judgment and Impulsivity?
Love can sometimes lead to impulsive decisions, but typically, judgment remains grounded in personal values. Have you found yourself disregarding important principles or making decisions that don’t align with your core beliefs because your thoughts were racing or your focus was scattered? It’s important to consider whether bold, impulsive actions — like getting married after a first date — might be more connected to the disinhibition or heightened sense of spirituality that can accompany mania. Reflecting on this can help you better understand and manage these urges.
6. Do You Have Chemistry, Compatibility, and Commitment in Your Relationship?
When entering a new relationship, it’s essential to consider whether you have these three key ingredients: chemistry, compatibility, and commitment. For individuals with bipolar disorder, there can be a tendency to use romantic relationships as a temporary escape, especially during the initial excitement. In the early stages, you may feel like life is fantastic and that your depression has been “cured,” but it’s important to reflect on whether the relationship truly has a lasting foundation in these three areas.
7. Have You Made Any Recent Purchases?
Even when pricey, gifts in relationships are usually personal and thoughtful — a diamond watch because she admired it or a custom-mixed playlist just for him. In contrast, manic spending often looks different. It’s typically driven by status, such as splurging on a Porsche you can’t afford or buying multiples of the same item, like six similar handbags in a single day. Reflecting on your recent purchases can help distinguish between impulsive romantic gestures and manic spending habits.
8. Is This About You or Them?
During a manic episode, it’s not uncommon to feel exceptionally talented or unique or believe your new partner is the most perfect person you’ve ever met. These feelings of grandiosity or overwhelming infatuation can blur the lines between your own self-image and the idealized view of your partner, making it challenging to assess the relationship realistically. Taking a step back to reflect on whether these feelings are grounded in reality can help clarify the situation.
9. Have You Reflected During a Period of Stability?
It’s important to ask yourself some key questions when your mood is stable: Are your emotions toward everyone more intense, positive, or negative? Are you thinking constantly about this one person, or are your thoughts racing in general? Do you only share interests with this person when you’re manic, or do they align during more balanced times? Is this new relationship the only major change in your life, or have you started other new projects and pursuits? Taking the time to reflect during stability can provide clarity about your feelings and relationships.
10. Is Your Internal Clock Out of Sync?
Have you noticed changes in your appetite, energy levels, sleep patterns, or sensitivity to seasonal shifts that coincide with manic episodes? Disruptions in your circadian rhythm and sleep patterns are strongly linked to bipolar disorder and can often intensify symptoms. While it can be challenging to recognize these shifts as mania begins, being mindful of these early signs can help you better manage the onset of symptoms. Awareness is the first step toward taking control.
UPDATED: Originally published December 3, 2016