Real advice on managing irritability, communicating mid-episode, and keeping relationships strong.
Bipolar irritability can signal a mood shift, which can inadvertently affect those around you — whether it’s your partner, friend, family member, coworker, store clerk, or whoever happens to be in the vicinity. No one wants to be irritable or snap at others, so it’s essential to recognize potential irritability triggers.
You can start by asking yourself:
If you’re unsure what triggers your irritability, try tracking it. Use your phone’s Notes app, a mood-tracking app, or a good old-fashioned paper journal.
As the saying goes, “prevention is the best medicine.” If you know that lack of sleep makes you irritable, work with your healthcare provider to work on a sleep plan. In the meantime, try to avoid social interactions until you’ve rested. At work, if you can’t avoid others, practice mindful responses or take a break until you feel more balanced.
Recognizing your irritability triggers isn’t just about managing relationships; it’s also about protecting your well-being. Unchecked irritability can lead to hypomania, mania, or depression, so being proactive is key.
The good news is that you can use several coping strategies to help you manage your irritability before it takes control of you.
To see what works for people in their everyday lives, we reached out to our bpHope community on Facebook and asked them if they experience irritability as a bipolar symptom and how they keep it from affecting their relationships.
Here’s what they had to say.
Editor’s note: Comments have been edited for length and clarity.
How Bipolar Irritability Affects Relationships
Irritability has destroyed many relationships in my life. I’ve often hoped others would try to understand my behavior, but most people haven’t. With a few exceptions, those who don’t have to deal with me aren’t interested in learning why I act the way I do. All I can do is keep to myself when things are bad, educate those who want to stay in my life, and accept those who don’t. It’s extremely hard.
Medications help — it took over 30 years to find the right combination. I pray every day that it keeps working. Researching bipolar disorder and knowing when to step away to calm down also help, but it’s not always easy. When I can’t, it feels like I can never make enough amends for the damage. I have to forgive myself and face these challenges again and again. And then there’s manic rage, which is a whole other struggle.
— H.M.
Learn the signs, then realize that you need to take a breather. Do some grounding techniques to try to stop before you say something. Hopefully, the person you’re in a relationship with understands this issue and learns the signs, too.
— R.H.
Why Irritability Can Escalate Conflict Quickly
Sometimes you can’t avoid it. If you sense that you’re going to ‘snap’ at your partner, walk away for a bit and take some deep breaths. Ask yourself if you are being fair to them. It’s not their fault you are having a mood swing. Are you justified in being mad at them? If you do blow up at him or her, apologize sincerely. Irritability is a huge problem for those of us with bipolar disorder.
— K.M.
Agitation is a big part of my mania, and my tongue can be sharp. I am completely honest with my friends and family about it. I isolate until my episode has passed.
— B.L.
I’ve discovered that one of my biggest triggers for irritability is clutter or messiness around me. With five kids in the house, that happens a lot! But I’ve learned to breathe through those moments and create calm by making my home a sanctuary. I keep the color scheme and decor in my room simple, avoiding loud prints or too much color, which can overwhelm me during an episode. I also follow the medication schedule from my doctor, which includes taking my meds at the same time every night to help reduce the chance of experiencing side effects during the day. When irritability or anxiety hits, I retreat to my room, binge-watch some bad TV, and crochet, which is almost meditative and instantly calms me down.
— M.M.
Signs Irritability Is Impacting Your Relationship
I give a lot of sincere apologies and do my best to be present mentally when I’m irritable. I also allow my friends to tell me when I’m crossing into that stage so I know to pull back. Sometimes, I’m the last to know.
— M.G.
I just isolate myself if I have irritability. I also do a lot of masking for other symptoms, like paranoia or depression. But, if it gets bad enough, isolating or masking isn’t enough to hide it effectively. People that are around me frequently feel something is off when I’m in the middle of something.
— J.W.
Up or decrease my meds. I can tell immediately when it’s necessary, when the smallest things send me into a rage. ‘Omg, I dropped my pencil, here comes the Hulk!’
— S.B.
How to Communicate During Irritable Moments
Irritability was the first thing I learned to manage. When I realize I’m getting overly irritated, I tell my partner I’m in an episode. I step back and analyze the situation: Am I justified in feeling this way, or is it my bipolar? I allow myself to feel the irritation, but I don’t act on it, and then I work on finding a solution. By letting my partner know, they can help me work through it.
— E.D.
It usually takes me a minute to realize it’s happening, but then I give the person a heads-up and tell them my triggers so they can avoid them, if possible.
— J.P.
I communicate with my loved ones that I’m irritated or having an episode. I also take time for myself.
— C.R.
I am honest with my partner about how I am feeling and what I need. Sometimes, a little extra love and understanding helps a lot.
— N.L.
When I experienced bipolar agitation at work, I opened up to my boss. She accommodated me by allowing me to avoid face-to-face customer interactions and focus on research and other projects instead. This came after I had applied for federal accommodation. My boss had read my doctor’s detailed explanation of how bipolar disorder affects my behavior, and she worked with me to make adjustments that helped.
— T.F.V.
What Not to Say During Bipolar Irritability
Talk it out without dismantling the other person’s life, and communicate without being hurtful.
— K.M.
Hide away alone, try to keep my mouth shut, and get ‘that look’ off my face.
— B.C.
I take deep breaths if I disagree with my partner and wait till the time is right to talk calmly.
— E.F.
Setting Healthy Boundaries With a Partner
I put myself in time-out until I calm down.
— C.H.H.
Limit my time with people and, if possible, limit my time driving.
— M.D.
Sometimes, I have to be completely alone. Whether to rest or take a walk. Tension builds up when people do not communicate with each other well enough. Anxiety can also cause irritability. Take meds as you should, take care of your health, do positive things, balance life schedules, etc. We all deserve some peace.
— V.M.P.
I try to stay away from noisy places and certain people who are loud, as it’s not anybody’s fault.
— A.D.
How to Repair After an Irritability Episode
I say ‘I’m sorry’ a lot. I also meditate in the morning.
— T.L.
I learned to laugh at myself. It was a life-changer.
— L.G.
Irritability is not easy. Thank God I have a wonderful and understanding husband.
— S.P.
Supporting a Partner Without Losing Yourself
Isolation works well for me and doesn’t feed into my mood. It allows me to relax, write, nap, and even enjoy movies. Being alone is the best healer. My daughter and grandkids understand when I retreat to my ‘granny pad’ at the back of their house. They know it’s not personal. I’ve explained that after spending 70 hours a week in a loud factory job, trying to manage my irritability around others, I need peace and quiet to decompress. This helps me avoid snapping at them. We cherish our time together when I’m not symptomatic.
— S.D.D.
I know when I have to isolate. I used to feel a lot of shame about it, but I’ve come to understand that removing myself from stressful — or even general — social interactions is the healthiest thing to do. Knowing you need time alone to cool off from any emotion is okay.
— J.C.Q.
I take my meds. Without them, I get unreasonable.
— L.C.
I make sure I take my meds: My anxiety meds and mood stabilizer keep me pretty stable.
— J.H.
I had my psychiatrist put me on the right medications, and no more irritation.
— T.D.P.
I make sure I take my meds on time, every day. I see my doctor regularly and I attend therapy every week or every other week. That keeps the irritability at bay — most of the time. If I need more help, I watch one of my favorite classic films. It really helps to just take a break and spend some time alone.
— L.M.C.
I have God to help me through troubling times, and my hubby also believes in God, and that helps our relationship immensely.
— N.E.
I take my meds on a regular basis, check in with medical professionals, and a good nap and something to eat can solve a lot!
— M.B.
Consistently eating whole foods that work well with my body and not junk (sugar in particular) and regular exercise helps me most of the time.
— M.C.
I isolate and go into my room. I put on music to calm me down. I also dunk my head under cold water.
— T.C.
Irritability hits me regularly, especially as I’m working through some trauma and get triggered easily. Meditation and calm music with headphones help a lot. Journaling is key for processing my emotions. I’m also focusing on eating better, cutting back on bread and sugar, and avoiding alcohol. Exercise has been important, too. Maybe a few of these strategies will help you!
— J.S.
Editorial Sources and Fact-Checking
UPDATED: Originally posted November 1, 2024.