Several years ago, I went to see my family
physician for an earache. He told me I had an ear infection and sent some
medicated drops home with me. The throbbing in my ear stopped when blood
trickled down my neck. I called the doctor and told him about the new
development. He assured me that I wasn’t going to bleed to death from my ear.
(Guess he never saw the same westerns I had!) My eardrum had ruptured, and he
said it would most likely heal on its own.
Once the incessant buzzing stopped, I figured I
was good to go. I never noticed a problem until I took a hearing test as part
of a workplace health fair. “You have a slight loss of hearing in your right
ear,” the technician told me.
Eventually, I noticed that if someone spoke
softly in my right ear it was the “wah wah wah” sound much like Charlie Brown’s
teacher. It finally occurred to me that I was unintentionally turning a deaf
ear.
It’s
annoying to have hearing loss in one ear, but it does make me stop to consider
that at times turning a deaf ear is advantageous. “Turning a deaf ear” is an
idiom for ignoring what another person says. When I was a caregiver for Jim, I
learned to turn a deaf ear at times.
· Turn a
Deaf Ear to Negativity: A caregiver has enough challenges without outsiders
heaping negativity on them. Negative people sap precious energy that you will
need to make all the decisions necessary to provide the daily care your loved
one needs. There’s no better way to ruin a day than to listen to someone who
finds fault with how you are handling the difficult choices you need to make.
·
Turn a Deaf Ear to
Criticism: There’s a lot of truth to the old saying that
everyone is a critic. I’ve known a few people in my life that think criticizing
others makes them look better. When a caregiver is doing her best, no one else
has the right to criticize. If the job of caregiving is overwhelming and the
best solution is to seek professional care, it becomes a family matter. When I
made that difficult long-term care decision for Jim, I only cared what my kids
and his mom had to say. Once we were in agreement, I turned a deaf ear to
everyone else.
·
Turn a Deaf Ear to Self
Doubt: As a
caregiver, you need to learn to ignore that nagging voice in your head that
constantly runs through the “should have—could haves.” Once you’ve made a
caregiving decision, you need to stop doubting yourself. Self doubt is fraught
with negative emotions: anxiety, indecision, depression, and guilt. I’ve known
caregivers that had to seek psychological and pharmaceutical help. There’s no
shame in taking care of your healthcare needs with professional guidance.
·
Turn a Deaf Ear to Gossip: When you are doing what is
best for you and your loved one, don’t give credence to the opinion of someone
who has not walked in your shoes. Here’s a helpful hint—no one has ever walked
in your shoes but you!
The good thing about turning a deaf ear is that
you don’t actually have to be deaf in one ear. All it takes is a positive
mindset to turn a deaf ear when necessary, but listen with both ears to trusted
advice on best practices for caring for your loved one with dementia.
When you type alz.org into your browser, you will
find answers to almost all the questions that you have about the disease,
caregiving, or how to get involved in the fight to end Alzheimer’s. The 24/7
Helpline 800-272-3900 is prominently displayed at the top of the home screen.
When Jim was first diagnosed, I knew nothing about
Alzheimer’s or dementia. Throughout my caregiving journey, I trusted the
Alzheimer’s Association to steer me in the right direction, and they did.
Copyright © March 2024 by
L.S. Fisher
http://earlyonset.blogspot.com
#ENDALZ