Some people have an ability to meditate and turn
off their thoughts. My mind, on the other hand, just gets busier, the more I
try to clear it.
I’ve always had an overactive mind and sometimes
it is a challenge to figure out how to turn it off long enough to sleep. The
more stressful my life is, the more active my brain.
Caregiving is a special kind of stress where worry
is a thundercloud ready to send bolts of lightning crashing down into the caregiver’s soul. It’s hard not to lose the sense of self while focusing on another’s
health needs. A mind numbing tiredness turns into exhaustion during the push to be responsible for another human being.
I had this crazy idea that when I retired, my life
would be calm and serene. With the stress of my job out of the picture, I
looked forward to lounging around the house, going to the park to watch the
squirrels, taking my dog for a long, leisurely walk, reading a book while
sitting on the porch, and living the dream.
The thought that life would become a whirlwind of
non-stop activity never crossed my mind until it dominated my mind. My mental
to-do list always outdid the physical to-do list that I prepared to keep me on
track.
The outside world has invaded my inside space.
When I have a quiet moment drinking my first cup of coffee, the cell phone will
ring, a text will ping, or an email demanding my attention shows up in the in
box. The digital devices that are supposed to make life more efficient and
easier can become the disruptive force that sends the day spinning out of
control.
My phone is a conglomeration of appointments,
reminders, and alarms. I have an uncanny ability to turn off an alarm and
immediately become distracted with another thought clamoring for attention in
my overactive mind. I’ve found this an excellent way to miss deadlines.
I’ve become a procrastinator extraordinaire. If
something can be put off until tomorrow, I don’t have to do it today.
Exhaustion sets in at unexpected times and a nap is required to reset my soul.
The busy mind is especially troublesome when
trying to go to sleep at bedtime. The only way to stop the “would have, should
have” section of my mind is to mentally focus on one special thought. Reading
helps me calm my mind because I focus on the book in front of me. I’ll read
until I’m so sleepy that I can’t see the words and sometimes I can close my
Kindle and immediately fall asleep.
During stressful times, setting the book aside
sends my mind into overdrive. Sometimes I’ll try to remember the lyrics of a
song, but lately, I found my best bet is to recite the Serenity Prayer until I
go to sleep.
The prayer is magical, and exactly what my mind
needs to put aside the worrisome thoughts that make sleep elusive: “God grant
me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the
things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
I repeat
the prayer until I fall asleep. The prayer is my way of saying, “Be still, my
mind.”
Copyright
© November by L.S. Fisher
http://earlyonset.blogspot.com
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