Living with bipolar isn’t all about eliminating symptoms — it’s about learning to manage them and build a life that’s full and meaningful.
I’ve been writing books about bipolar disorder management since 1998, and my website launched in 2002. So how is it possible that I still deal with so many mood swings?
Shouldn’t I be “better” by now? Why am I still talking about my moods and about bipolar every day?
It comes down to this: It’s the nature of the illness.
I once had someone ask me a question on my Instagram that made me reflect deeply about bipolar and the concept of recovery:
“Julie, why are you so often in a mood swing? If you’re managing your illness, doesn’t that mean you shouldn’t have mood swings so frequently?”
The question came from genuine curiosity, not judgment — and I suspect many people wonder the same thing. If I’m an expert in bipolar management, why am I not “in recovery” and getting on with my life without bipolar symptoms?
What Does ‘Recovery’ Really Mean?
Before answering, let me share my thoughts on the term “recovery.”
In the substance use community, recovery makes sense — it describes someone who is abstaining from a behavior that can be measured and changed. There’s a “before” and “after” to compare.
This framework simply doesn’t apply to bipolar disorder, in my opinion. Ours is a genetic, physiological illness — not a behavioral one. You can’t “recover” from it any more than you can recover from type 1 diabetes. It’s not caused by choices, and it doesn’t simply go away.
That’s why I personally don’t use the word recovery in my work about bipolar disorder.
(That said, I respect others who see it differently.)
A Shift Toward ‘Getting Better’
Over the past two decades, the mental health field has emphasized “recovery” and “getting better,” rather than long-term management. But bipolar disorder requires ongoing maintenance — much like managing diabetes does.
Imagine asking someone with diabetes this question:
“You write books on type 1 diabetes and health, yet you still can’t produce insulin. Shouldn’t you be able to control your pancreas better?”
That’s not snark — it’s perspective. These kinds of questions reveal how misunderstood bipolar disorder still is, even among caring, well-intentioned people.
Why Do I Still Experience Mood Swings?
Now to answer the original question: Why do I still have so many mood swings, even though I write books and train healthcare professionals?
Here’s my reality:
- I have a chronic form of bipolar disorder called ultradian rapid-cycling bipolar, which means I live with daily mood swings.
- Without my management plan, I would not be here today.
- I wasn’t diagnosed until age 31, though my symptoms began at 16.
Through years of trial, I’ve reduced my mood swings by about 80 percent. I used to be sick for long periods of time. For example, I would have a three-year downswing or a four-month manic episode.
Now, episodes usually last a few hours to a few days.
I often wake up in a mood swing, and it’s always my goal to manage it throughout the day so that I go to bed feeling better than when I woke up. It’s exhausting, but it’s a lot better than being sick for years.
How Management Helps
My plan has made it possible to:
I also live with a psychotic disorder that complicates things further, but I use the same strategies to manage it.
All of us with bipolar share the same core symptoms — but intensity and duration differ. Some people go long stretches between episodes. I’m not one of those people. It really is a spectrum. Without management, I cycle between depression, mania, paranoia, irritability, and melancholy — and OCD can show up if stress gets too high.
My Management Plan Works — But the Symptoms Remain
I have taught myself to manage all of these symptoms, but they are still there, waiting to take over my life. I can feel the symptoms simmering in my brain.
The plan I teach in Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder is a lot of work, but it really works! It keeps my symptoms at bay. When they are triggered, as they often are, I am ready to meet them with my management skills.
It’s no different than someone with diabetes who uses diet, stress management, and an insulin pump to stay healthy.
Few people with bipolar disorder are completely symptom-free. Bipolar can be managed — but it doesn’t go away. There’s no “recovery” from bipolar, just as there’s no recovery from insulin-dependent diabetes.
But there is hope, progress, and the possibility of a good life.
My brain isn’t an easy brain to live with. But daily management gives me a full and meaningful life. I have far more good days than bad ones now.
Finding Strength in Management, Not Perfection
Maybe it’s scary to accept that bipolar is a lifelong illness. But acknowledging this truth doesn’t mean giving up — it means facing it realistically, with hope and strength.
One day, I believe we’ll see genetic breakthroughs that can truly end this illness. Until then, the goal is clear: Manage bipolar disorder so that mood swings become shorter, less intense, and less frequent. This is our success.
If you or someone you care about struggles to manage bipolar, please know this is normal. It’s why you’re on a website devoted to bipolar disorder management! You aren’t weak if you can’t “recover” from a brain-based illness and are managing something incredibly complex.
The goal is to have a plan that is stronger than the mood swings. This is possible. I am not a negative person. I am an optimist. It’s amazing that we can use a plan to manage our mood swings.
The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is to have a plan stronger than the mood swings. And that is possible.
UPDATED: Originally posted October 28, 2020.