I love many parts of fall, but shorter days can trigger bipolar depression. Simple strategies help me shift my mindset.
I call autumn my favorite and worst season. It’s my favorite because, while I hate being freezing cold — which is not that common here in the South, though it does get pretty cold sometimes — I hate being blisteringly hot, too.
As someone with bipolar disorder, I can experience a manic or depressive episode at any time. But I tend to get more depressed in the fall and winter (even though fall is my favorite season and I’m a winter baby). Conversely, I’m more likely to experience hypomania in the summer.
For many people with bipolar, fall can trigger depressive symptoms even before winter begins. This is different from seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which is typically associated with winter months.
My Love-Hate Relationship With Autumn
In the fall, I love that the weather is warm enough to feel comfortable, with a crispness in the air at night. I love going to Starbucks and getting my favorite latte as Thanksgiving approaches.
I also love all the seasonal activities — football games, fairs, and all the excitement. I’m not a Halloween guy, but I even enjoy seeing the kids put their costumes together. It’s just a great time for me.
That said, fall is also my worst season because I can get pretty miserable. Since it marks the end of daylight saving time, the early darkness makes me feel lazy and drained. I find myself overthinking the memories associated with fall, which makes me miss those times and triggers feelings of sadness.
I also become more secluded (as though I’m not secluded enough). I start thinking about pain. Many people who were once close to me left and moved on around this time of the year, so I feel alone and abandoned. I feel like everything is slowing down.
Finding Distractions to Manage Bipolar Symptoms
I know that my bipolar distorts my thinking and triggers these feelings. So, as a coping mechanism, I try to fight them off by distracting myself. For example, sometimes I start writing; some of my previous work was written in the fall.
I also go for walks because they help me clear my head. I listen to music, too. And if I have the time and money, I’ll even try to travel.
I’ll do anything to get away from the darkness that’s trying to consume me. But, as many people with bipolar know, that isn’t an easy task; sometimes, it feels like a losing battle.
On my worst days, I would turn to alcohol to escape. But we all know that drinking alcohol never solves anything, and it can make things worse. In my case, it definitely did.
It isn’t hard to see how anyone can experience dark feelings in the fall. I know a lot of people who do. But when you have to deal with those feelings in addition to living with bipolar, it brings an extra twist. I’m speaking for myself, of course, but I’m pretty sure many people with bipolar would say the same thing.
Since my diagnosis and acceptance, I’ve spent time learning from other people’s experiences and taking in tips. It’s a learning experience that I’m still navigating.
While I’m definitely more knowledgeable than I was years ago, I’m still adjusting. There are people who have dealt with these issues longer than I’ve been alive or who deal with them on a much more intense level. Because of this, I can deal with these seasonal changes a little better, but it’s still hard.
Learning to Better Manage Seasonal Bipolar Symptoms
I recently dealt with a situation that triggered all those dark autumn memories. Even though I realized a combination of events from this past year caused it, everything came crumbling down at this specific time. I’m slowly returning to life, but this season will be very tough if I don’t manage it correctly.
I’ve heard people call the experience of depression in the fall seasonal affective disorder (SAD). I’m not a medical expert, but I know what we experience is real — and I know that it’s a very real component for many people with bipolar disorder. And it sucks. It really sucks.
This coming fall, I’ll make things a little bit better. I’ll go to Starbucks and drink my latte; when it gets a little bit chillier, I will break out the hot chocolate. I’ll go to Piedmont Park here in Atlanta and enjoy the nice scenery for once. I’ll do everything I can to enjoy my life this season. And I wish the same for you.
UPDATED: Originally published October 17, 2017