Keeping routines supports my bipolar stability, but they can also make change feel daunting and stir dread, anxiety, or boredom.
Dread is a familiar feeling that often takes the form of a relentless inner dialogue:
- What do I have to do next?
- Am I already running late?
- Did I forget something I was supposed to do to prepare?
- OMG, I’m so unprepared for this!
- What if I can’t handle it?
- Why am I so worried about whether or not I can handle it?
- What does “handle it” even mean?
- Is my anxiety going to make me implode if I keep thinking about it?
Feelings of dread truly plague me sometimes … and I blame it all on “routine,” that boring schoolmarm with a belt in her hand, snapping the leather and reminding me there’s stuff I had better do — or else.
Routines can be the absolute worst!
Using Routine to Channel Bipolar Energy
To switch gears from one thing to another, I have to harness this unwieldy energy from hypomania — or the kind of heightened energy that shows up before things tip further — and it’s not easy. That’s what bipolar disorder is, actually: a deficiency in our ability to wrangle our energy (both mental and physical).
Unfortunately, that’s what routine adherence often requires.
RELATED: How Daily Routine Can Help Bipolar Symptoms
I absolutely need a safe place to direct that excess energy. It can’t go unchecked. It must be accompanied by a chaperone at all times. And that chaperone is — you guessed it — my routine.
For the record, it also must always be accompanied by a pharmacological escort: my meds. Speaking of routine, that’s probably the most important one for most of us: medication adherence. (I fully support that routine!)
Starting the Day With a Simple Morning Routine
I must say that if I don’t get to do my morning routine, I’m often out of sorts. There isn’t much to it, actually: It involves coffee, reading, and quiet.
But I’m much more comfortable going through the day — calmer, focused, and more patient — if I get this important alone time in the morning.
I love that alone time. The kids are either asleep or just waking up and chilling while drinking their chocolate milk. My husband has a wonderful routine of making “chocos” for the kids and a coffee for me every morning before he leaves for work. (Boy, do I love that routine!)
My Everyday Routine and Guarding Against Hypomania
Although my energy isn’t always consistent from day to day, there are a few benchmarks of daily life that I can depend on and plan for, including:
- Getting up in the morning
- Feeding the kids breakfast, lunch, and dinner
- Focusing on work
- Checking in with my sister
- Having play time with my kids
- Taking my meds
- Getting everyone washed up and in bed
I’m pretty good at following that plan. In fact, that regular cadence in my daily life gives me something to lean into when anxiety and hypomanic feelings are high.
RELATED: The Power of Routine for Bipolar Symptom Management
I’m better at harnessing unwieldy bipolar energy if I have time to prepare to switch gears, and if I know what is expected of me. (Without that routine, I’d be in trouble!)
Why Adding Something New Can Feel Overwhelming
Speaking of switching gears, have you seen the movie Groundhog Day? Sometimes, I feel so mired in my everyday schedule that it’s like I’m just living the same day over and over and over again — just like in the movie.
Did I eat lunch already, or was that yesterday? Eh, who cares? Everything is on autopilot and completely boring anyway. Let’s just get it over with: What’s the next box I need to check to get through this mundane “routine” that is my life?
Routine can make me miserable.
A case in point is writing this blog post. I’ve been drafting it for quite a while, but once I had committed to submitting it to bpHope, all my interest flew out the window!
In trying to sort out why this happened, I realized it wasn’t the routine itself that drained my motivation — it was having to squeeze something new into it. Committing to the piece meant reshuffling my carefully balanced schedule, and suddenly this idea wasn’t just creative anymore; it was another obligation.
And you may have already caught onto this, but disrupting my routine, even for something I want to do, can be d-i-f-f-i-c-u-l-t, to say the least.
Harness Your Energy Into Your Routines
Do you want to know how I got over it and finished this post? I gathered up some of that surplus unwieldy energy I just so happened to have lying around, and I funneled it here.
In the past, I might have done something a little less responsible with that excess hypomanic energy, like going on a shopping spree.
I feel like I’m on a much better path now … yep, all thanks to following my routines.
UPDATED: Originally posted June 17, 2020.