Find out how breaking life into manageable steps can help you cope with the challenges of bipolar mood episodes and rebuild resilience.
During a particularly challenging time in my twenties, I stumbled upon a wonderful analogy for how we must move through the difficult times in our lives: “stone to stone,” exactly the way you would cross a stream on a hike.
The key to keeping our footing is to train our sights on finding the next stone to stand on. It’s when we look up in search of our destination that we start to rock back and forth and lose our balance.
Stone to stone may not be the way to move through our entire lives, but it has become my motto for moving through difficult bipolar mood episodes. When I discovered this analogy, I was reeling from the grief of a friend taking their own life and the shock of a physical assault at the hands of my partner. I was trying to process grief and trauma — without losing my tenuous grip on recovery.
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I was angry in a way I had not felt before. Angry in a way I was certain had nothing to do with bipolar. I didn’t yet understand that all of my emotions are connected to bipolar, even if they aren’t caused by it.
I felt robbed. It felt like someone had grabbed the Etch A Sketch of my life, with its carefully drawn lines, and given it a furious shake before shoving it back at me. I was left spinning the broken knobs, wondering, why me?
Learning How to Move From ‘Stone to Stone’
For the first time since I was hospitalized at the age of 15, I found myself unable to write more than a paragraph at a time. Yet I continued to take my notebook with me to coffee shops, where I would scribble a few sentences or the same one over and over again before staring off blankly into space. I filled my free hours after work with jigsaw puzzles and television, activities that had previously been foreign to me.
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Eventually, the fog lifted, and I could see beyond the next stone, but it didn’t lift by itself. It took me nearly a year to realize I wouldn’t be able to move forward unless I unpacked my feelings surrounding the grief and trauma. I requested time off from work and sought the help of my medical support team.
My life began to shift quickly after that. I began to trust in myself and others again. It was spring, literally and figuratively, but I don’t know how I would have made it through that winter if I hadn’t learned the trick of moving from stone to stone.
3 Ways You Can Find Stability During Bipolar Mood Episodes
Here is what I’ve learned about the practice of moving from stone to stone:
1. Do One Thing at a Time
Getting out of bed is the first hurdle during my worst depressive episodes. Anxious thoughts about the day ahead crash down in waves before I can even open my eyes.
But it helps to remind myself that I don’t have to get up and face it all at once. All I need to do is get up and brew coffee. That’s the deal. One stone.
After that, I can move on to the next thing, which I will need to finish before I can move on to worry about the next one. It’s not an easy feat, I can assure you, but it beats the alternative of being overwhelmed and paralyzed by anxiety.
2. Keep a List of Everything and Anything You Have to Do
Sometimes, my mind is so untethered that I turn in circles, just trying to figure out what to do next. Starting the day by making a list of everything I need to do — right down to the tiniest details, like showering and unloading the dishwasher — helps me in these times.
These aren’t the kind of accomplishments you would expect to find in someone’s day planner, but they’re the things that keep the movement moving from stone to stone.
I don’t know about “time healing all wounds,” but there’s something about going through the motions that keeps the tidal waves of depression from carrying me away.
3. Connect With Others to Help Hold You Accountable
Let someone in your life know that you are moving from stone to stone, and ask them to hold the big picture for you.
Sometimes, when all I can do is put the dishes in the cupboard, I begin to wonder about the point of it all. That’s not the kind of philosophical question I can afford to wrestle with when I’m precariously balanced on a stone half the size of my foot. That’s the kind of question that is more safely asked after crossing.
So, there are times when it’s necessary to ask someone to take your hand as you cross.
Our journeys from stone to stone are part of our larger recovery stories. I believe that if we can make it from stone to stone, someday, we will stand on the bank to inspire hope and encourage others that they can do the same.
UPDATED: Originally posted June 7, 2019