It’s easy to love the high of hypomania, but ignoring its risks can lead to dangerous consequences.
Although both mania and depression have wreaked havoc in my life, hypomania is my Achilles’ heel when it comes to recovery.
It not only feels (temporarily) good, but it also makes me look like a superwoman. I’m full of energy, overflowing with motivation and creativity.
When I’m hypomanic, everyone — from my friends and family to my bosses, coworkers, and even the grocery store cashier — seems to treat me better. People compliment me on my clever wit, outgoing nature, go-get-’em attitude, and impossibly positive outlook.
But when I’m praised for my hypomanic behavior, it’s hard to recognize it for what it truly is: A symptom of my mental health condition.
How Hypomania Is an Asset to My Career
I’m a graphic designer in the movie business, and my work life is anything but serene or consistent. My career field is fast-paced and high-stress. My jobs come in bursts; I work for several months while a show is filming, and when it wraps, I’m unemployed again.
This happens three or four times a year; instability is the nature of my job.
I typically work 12-hour days, often six days a week. Multiple departments depend on me to solve last-minute emergencies; as soon as one problem is addressed, another crisis hits.
I’m expected to perform at a breakneck pace until my workday ends. Then, I only have a couple of hours to wind down every night after work, and I end up sleeping less.
When I’m hypomanic, my stamina is almost limitless. I stay late and come in early. I complete my design tasks ahead of schedule and with a smile. I say “yes” to everyone and secretly feel a sense of pride that I can get more done than the typical “normal” (and stable) person.
How My Career Can Trigger My Hypomania
When experiencing hypomania, I also jump from one thing to the next, often forgetting to eat or even take restroom breaks. I care more about how much I can get done in a day than how I actually feel. It’s like I’m driving a race car, flooring it — and then slamming on the brakes over and over again.
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This environment is the optimal breeding ground for hypomania. After more than a decade in this career, I’ve learned — to my detriment — that my job can trigger my bipolar disorder.
The worst part is that I look like a model employee, so I’m constantly praised for my unhealthy behavior. That makes it hard for me to take care of myself and to recognize that hypomania is dangerous.
Because my job rewards this behavior, I’ve seen it as a benefit. For a long time, I believed my hypomania was how I became successful.
Hypomania and Its Impact on My Health
But hypomania never lasts. Eventually, I crash. Once a movie wraps, I’m plunged into depression, and I get physically sick. My body breaks, and my mind falls apart.
The confidence I had disappears, and it’s replaced with the fear that my achievements were made by someone who wasn’t me. My passion and energy turn to anxiety and sadness.
This kind of up-and-down lifestyle isn’t good for someone with bipolar disorder. It’s certainly not a great way to maintain stability or recovery.
One particularly stressful day during my last job, it dawned on me that my work life was triggering my bipolar, and my bipolar was feeding my career.
Until recently, hypomania made me feel invincible. But I came to realize that I needed to slow down. Instead of being driven by the “what,” I had to start focusing on taking care of “who.” That “who” is me.
Making Lifestyle Changes Helps Keep My Hypomania at Bay
To keep hypomania at bay, I had to make some lifestyle changes:
- I now sleep eight hours every night, and I no longer overload my schedule.
- I work fewer jobs.
- When I do work, I work remotely.
- I’ve learned to accept that I may have to make less money in order to stay stable — and that’s okay.
RELATED: Hypomania: Understanding Bursts of Energy, Insomnia, and Racing Thoughts
I must not only be aware of — but also manage — my bipolar triggers as much as possible. My job can be one of those triggers.
Using Self-Awareness to Make Wellness a Priority
By practicing a combination of self-awareness and setting healthy boundaries, I insulate myself from the tempting, yet destructive, pattern of hypomania. I do the work to keep my mental and physical health at the very top of my to-do list.
Hypomania can be a dangerous addiction, like a drug. When it feels good to me and looks great to everyone else, it’s hard to be willing to get help.
You may not have the same career, the same habits, or even the same expressions of bipolar that I do, but I hope my experience can serve as evidence that, no matter how much you achieve in life, your wellness is the most important priority. For me, recovery is the ultimate achievement.
UPDATED: Originally published February 27, 2020