Dementia had been slowly creeping in for days now and when I woke I knew, today, it had the upper hand. I held my head as if comforting my brain and apologising for this unwanted intruder.
I opened the curtains and looked out at the darkness. The sky looked clear, the icy cold of the room wrapping itself around me, telling me it was early. I wrapped my dressing gown around me, padded downstairs, my bare feet silent on the carpet. I must have made a cuppa tea as the next thing I know, I’m sat up in bed; my arms wrapped around the soothing heat of my mug.
At some point I must have drifted off again, the click click of the heating stirring me from my dreams. I looked towards the window. My curtains were wide open, confusing me for a minute as I tried to find the right pieces of the jigsaw to put the morning right.
The sky was clear and I shuffled to the back bedroom to see if the sky had coloured yet. A hint of colour over in the east made me dress and head out into the freezing cold air. Today I didn’t feel like being inside alone with dementia because, today, I knew it would win.
I hadn’t remembered seeing a clear morning sky for ages, not that that means very much.
But it felt like it had been absent of late. I ambled down the Main Street aware that I was alone. I was grateful no smiley faces would see me today. My face felt blank, void of emotion. It felt like the villagers were yet to wake. Only the odd car driving through disturbing the peace
It was muddy underfoot as I made my way along the track to the end of the village. I stood, taking in my surroundings. The lone aeroplane in the sky heading to far off lands;
…..the sun yet to rise. But it wouldn’t be long.
It was too cold to stand and wait; my bones now beginning to shiver. I retraced my steps and turned left, heading along another muddy track. I snuck under the low handing branches and stood on the corner of the open field. The show had started without me.
But, at last, I felt my face turn into a smile as the sun rose up and over the horizon
I stood for a while, knowing this miracle of nature would thin the glue in my head and bring me alive again
I headed towards the wood, all the while watching the sun appear and disappear behind the wayward vegetation
Finally reached the edge of the wood and the sun was sending a warming glow through the trees
As I reached the far end, I turned knowing nature would gently turn the dimmer switch of light and cast morning shadows through the trees
I stood, watching, as the show was coming to an end
…then made my way back through the wood, across the playing fields and along the back lane…..it was still empty of smiley faces….
Must be the weekend 🤔, I pondered, without the effort of trying to work out what day of the week it was. I reached the familiar sight of the village church
I heard myself sigh….as I headed back home for more rounds with my unwanted, unpleasant house guest. Today, I knew he would take over……