Bipolar disorder can upend your life in unexpected ways. Yet these four ‘rules’ have helped me turn my setbacks into comebacks.
When I was unloading my gear into my humid dorm room at the start of my freshman year of college, I was filled with optimism. I genuinely believed it would be the best year of my life.
I had recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder — during my senior year of high school — but I hadn’t truly considered how that diagnosis (and all that came with it) might affect my college journey and long-term goal of earning a diploma. I hadn’t yet learned how bipolar disorder can complicate even your best-laid plans.
I expected only good things: I thought I’d hit it off with my new roommate, fall in love with my classes, and dive into student organizations that reflected my passions.
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But it didn’t take long for bipolar to set in — or at least, for the symptoms to catch up with me. I should have anticipated the mood swings, anxiety, and insomnia, but somehow, they still caught me off guard. I compared myself to my classmates and the other students in my dorm, who were adjusting to college so much better than I was.
Eventually, my erratic mood swings became so intense and unpredictable that I had to seek immediate treatment and have my medications adjusted on an emergency basis. My mental health providers recommended that I return home and transfer to a college closer to my support system. I wasn’t so sure about that.
With Bipolar Disorder, Things Don’t Always Go as Planned
Then things became even more unstable, and I found myself leaving college just a month into the semester — even before the leaves had a chance to change color and tumble to the ground.
I hated myself. I hated bipolar. I hated the other students in my dorm who got to stay at school while I packed up my belongings and boarded a plane back to Arizona with my mom.
I had expected that, because I’d excelled in high school — graduating as the salutatorian of my class — college would be a breeze. The idea of returning home to work at a retail job and not live up to my full potential unnerved me.
That was more than 20 years ago. And I’ve since learned that with bipolar disorder, things don’t always go as expected. Life has setbacks — but mood swings and other bipolar symptoms can make those setbacks even harder to manage.
Learning How to Deal With Bipolar-Related Setbacks
During my undergraduate college days, there were a lot of setbacks.
Just when I’d start to feel stable and think I was keeping up with my classes, depression would creep in. I would feel that slow disconnection from life, making the low moods feel so insurmountable.
Other times, my thoughts were going so fast, I couldn’t even keep up with them anymore.
As I kept withdrawing from classes and then returning to school, I started to develop some personal guidelines — or “rules” — for how to move forward after a bipolar-related setback. Here are 4 of them:
1. Create a Comeback Plan for When Things Get Tough
When I had to leave my first college — which was across the country from my childhood home — I needed to readjust my goals.
I enrolled at another college that was closer to home, where I could continue my treatment with the psychiatrist who had originally diagnosed me during high school.
It also helped to reflect on what had gone “wrong” and how I could make positive changes for the future. I realized that returning to college meant I’d have to put my mental health front and center — prioritizing medications, sleep, and stress management in a much more intentional way.
2. Be Kind to Yourself and Practice Self-Compassion
Everyone experiences setbacks. And dealing with bipolar disorder can certainly make life more challenging.
I was devastated when I had to leave college one month into my first year. But beating myself up didn’t help. I needed to take some time to deal with the sting of the setback. Over time, I realized that my life wasn’t over; I could still go back to school, just in a way that better supported my needs.
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I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist. In high school, I took all honors and AP classes, so I assumed college would be easy. Coming back home felt like failure, and I was too embarrassed to reach out to my friends who were still away at school.
But I reminded myself that I was still a capable student — and that with the right support, I could still accomplish anything I set my mind to.
3. Talk to a Mental Health Professional, Such as a Therapist or Psychiatrist
When dealing with a meaningful life complication from bipolar, it helps to go back and assess what exactly went “wrong.” Not to dwell, but to understand the circumstances and stressors, so that you can sort out how to prevent something like that from happening again.
Talking this through with a mental health professional, like a psychiatrist or a therapist, can be a game-changer. They can help you spot patterns in your mood, develop new coping tools, and offer practical support like keeping a mood chart or managing your workload.
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When I returned to college after my first major setback, my psychiatrist helped me understand how critical it was to get at least eight hours of sleep every night. We also discussed my tendency to take on too many projects when I am manic, which only makes things more stressful in the end.
Hearing myself describe where I went “wrong” the first time around helped me make better choices when I returned to college.
4. Don’t Compare Yourself to Others
When I came back home, it was hard not to focus on my friends who were still enrolled in their colleges of choice. While they were writing papers and taking exams, I was working at a demoralizing retail job, believing myself to be a “total loser.” (See tip #2, above!)
It got to the point that when I took care of errands near my house, I ran into people from high school so often, I felt increasingly uncomfortable leaving my bedroom.
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But the truth is, my friends didn’t have the same circumstances I did. They weren’t managing a serious mental health condition that made independent living and college coursework more difficult.
Everyone has problems, and everyone reacts to challenges differently. It was unfair that I compared myself to my friends who did not have a mental disorder.
That’s easier said than done — but now, whenever I catch myself judging myself harshly against others who do not share my circumstances, I try to remember that my story is valid and uniquely my own.
UPDATED: Originally posted October 6, 2020